I am craving pizza so harcore right now. Apparenlty I’m not as hungry as LillyKitten, though, who is gnawing on some silk ivy.

And I just realized, I totally forgot to mention: I had the dubious privilege of witnessing, this weekend, Chapter 1-8 of R. Kelly’s ‘urban opera’ “Trapped in the Closet.” I have no words. For a while, I had no breathe, from all the laughter. At one point I was laughing so hard that “a tear fell up out muh eye.”  It’s like a train wreck; you just can’t not watch. Essentially, the people on screen are acting out and mouthing the words that R. Kelly is singing; the lyrics of every song are just dialogue and passive action. An example from Chapter One:
“Shh, shh, quiet
Hurry up and get in the closet”
She said, “Don’t you make a sound
Or some shit is going down”
I said, “Why don’t I just go out the window?”
“Yes, except for one thing, we on the 5th floor”
“Shit,Think,Shit, think,Shit, quick, put me in the closet”
And now I’m in this dark ass closet, tryin’ to figure out
Just how I’m gonna get my crazy ass up out this house

and then …

Throws her in the bed
And start to snatchin’ her clothes off
I’m in the closet, like man, what the fuck is going on?
You’re not gonna believe it
But things get deeper as the story goes on
Next thing you know, a call comes through on my cell phone
I tried my best to quickly put it on vibrate
But from the way he act, I could tell it was too late
He hopped up and said, “There’s a mystery going on
And I’m gonna solve it”
And I’m like, “God please, don’t let this man open this closet”


The beauty – and, coincidentally, the tragedy – of this is that anyone can do it. Yes, you too can write an R Kelly song. Stand up. Walk across the room. Open a door. And while you’re doing all that..sing about it! It’s like crack! The insanity just won’t leave you alone!

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