Funny how little things, past things, can completely blindside you.

It isn’t funny at all, you know; it’s devastating.

I have simultaneously lost six months of progress and gained a year or so of internal growth, all in the last two hours. Honesty is swimming in a cold pond; I am exhausted but refreshed.

My better judgement said “don’t answer the phone.” My hands reached for it on instinct. All in all, I feel better for that automatic reponse (and the ensuing conversation) than I have for most of my well-planned decisions in the past year.

And there are still things I’m denying. And I still think it’s for the best.

I should be over this all; behaviour that suggests otherwise is behaviour deserving of examination.

Pardon me if I seem a little selfish. I’m more entitled than you know.

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