a story for the ages

A friend of mine is teaching children in Japan right now, and today she posted an entertaing conversation between herself and a fellow teacher about their students’ puzzlement over Easter. It was too priceless, I had to share it. More people must know the story of Zombie Jesus and Ninja Christ.

We started talking about how discussing Easter with our students leads them to some very odd conclusions. I was explaining to my students about the holiday. They were all very freaked out about the Easter Bunny. (Partly my fault because I found a really scary pic of a guy in a bunny suit.) I explained about how Easter is celebrated by Christians because a man named Christ died and came back from the dead on this day. (Here Melissa’s students jumped to the conclusion that Jesus was a zombie). Mine on the other hand weren’t impressed. “What else made him special?” One boy asked. I was stumped, because I didn’t really know how to go into the whole ‘son of God’ thing in Japanese so I said he could walk on water.
The same boy gave a contemptuous snort. “Ninja can walk on water.” (They all know I am really fond of Naruto and dig me about it constantly). Then another boy decided to settle it by declaring, “Christ was a Ninja.” (I swear I am not making any of this up!)

So there you have it. One of the mysteries of the ages has been solved. Jesus was a ninja.

Melissa said that Ninja!Jesus and Zombie!Christ must one day do battle.

ancient humour

So, there’s this ancient German poem – Altrecht wrote it, maybe? – that tells a story of the Holy Grail very similar to Arhurian legends. Like in the Galahad/Gawain legends, Altrecht’s poem puts the Grail inside a palace in a far off, exotic land: specifically, a beautiful, jeweled, circular palace set high on a hill, beside a bottomless lake.

It was dismissed as fiction for centuries because no one knew of or could find evidence of any such a palace — also, they didn’t really know where to look.  But recent (and by recent, I mean in this century) excavations have uncovered such a circular palace in Iran, or, rather, in what used to be Persia. (This would make more sense than you think, given the fact that the Grail is almost as important to the Moslem faith as it was to early Christians. Also, did you know Mary is mentioned more times by name in the Q’ran than in the Bible? I didn’t, but I digress.)

So, they found this circular castle in Persia. It’s circular. Once upon a time, when it wasn’t encrusted in dirt and grime, it was covered in marble and gold and jewels. It rests beside what would once have been a very deep lake. It is also on a hill – a mound that held the castle, a fire-temple, and a small town. It’s called the Mountain of Shiz.

No, really.

Can anyone else mentally think the sentence “The Holy Grail might be located atop the mountain of Shiz!” and not guffaw like a ten yeard old?

Grammatic Humour

 

 

Taken from: http://www.mcsweeneys.net/links/openletters/umlaut.html
A N  O P E N  L E T T E R
T O  U M L A U T .

October 13, 2003

Dear Umlaut,

You think you’re so damn cool, huh? Just hanging out, chillin’, above all those vowels. You’re all, “Ooh, look at me, I’m a chic umlaut. I make girls’ names look modish, like Zoë and Chloë, and I rock with strung out ’80s metal bands!”

Well, guess what? You’re only an umlaut if you’re modifying the pronunciation of a singular vowel, like in “Führer” or “über.” If you’re stressing the second of two consecutive vowels or one that would usually be silent according to common English usage, you’re just a plain old boring dieresis. How ’bout that, you naïve jackass? God, you’re such a poseur, umlaut. You’re nothing but two measly dots. You’re a Eurotrash colon lying down. Nobody thinks you’re cool.

Sincerely,
Josh Abraham
Kew Gardens, NY